Work vent

so yeah i know, this blog is about luke... but i'm sad and depressed, too exhausted to take (and edit) pics of my adorable baby boy because my job is running me ragged! i'm sitting down, watching the saints (barely) kick the 49ers butts, drinking my parrot bay and pineapple (working on my second one) thinking about how i'm ever going to get through this week. so decided to come here, because there's really no one irl who cares to hear it, no one to understand except my co-worker friends who are in the same boat as i am so why would they care/want to hear more of the same wah wah wah right?! so maybe you don't care, oh well, you can stop reading now, or maybe you're nosey like me and would like a glimpse (as i always do) into someone else's day. if this is you, yeah, keep reading. if you have any questions, ask, it'll make me think someone cares ;)

so my job. my profession. i can [finally] say that now because i've spent too many years in school to be where i am today... a career that in my first month on the job, have already wanted to quit! i'm a children's social worker. i work the front end, going into homes to investigate child abuse and/or neglect. for the most part i love it. i love working with families and making sure children are safe. i ever like all the paperwork, or so i thought. i'm somewhat ocd about paoerwork so i like that what i do has a process, sort of like an A-Z. i have so many responsibilities that, unfortunately, keep me behind a desk more than out in the field.

last thursday i was on duty. being on "duty" means that, for that day, you (and a team of 3-4 others) receive and go out on all the calls that come in as "immediate response" calls for that day. so yeah, these are the "bad" cases, the worst of the worst. or as i like to think, the calls that mean you can really make a difference, at that moment, in the life of a child. so while mostly nerve-wracking, praying that i don't "mess up" and totally screw up the investigation, i usually look forward to the urgency of these calls on these days. until last thursday.. my duty day.

it was horrible. i got a call at the end of the day, an immediate response that my supervisor said i would have to take a colleague (very uncommon) and law enforcement on. i would most definitely be detaining/taking into custody these children. five minutes after reviewing the referral i get a call from the front desk, "MrsXoxo, you have a client in the lobby stating that she wants to drop off her son." really?! do we look like a daycare?! i spend 30 minutes trying to counsel this mom and 13-yo child, stating that wanting to wear baggy clothing is not so much a child welfare issue but a parenting one. i asked them to go home and sleep on it, hoping they could work it out. i ran back to my desk to call the reporting party on the "scary" referral i just got. long story short, the RP scared the ish out of me stating that in her 17 years as a social worker, this is one of the worst cases she's ever had. really?! so my first detention is going to be detaining from the "worst case you've ever had" family?! really?!

then my husband calls, "babe, luke has a fever." really?! because mama screwed up and didn't fax the paperwork over to the insurance in time so now my baby (sick baby) boy and husband aren't covered until october! and even worse, now it was guaranteed that i'd be working well into the wee hours of the morning so couldn't put my baby to sleep....

so after a few tears and a slight panic attack.. i sucked it up and went on my call, with an amazing colleague and a unit to accompany me. well let me just tell you that being escorted by two police officers was not enough, not when you go to [apparently] one of the scariest streets in the community the agency serves. it was dramatic, to say the least. at one point i looked to see which nearby car i could hide under (damn, i wish i had my 27-yo body back!) and/or which officer i could chase after (yes, i said CHASE) so that he didn't leave me alone with some craziness. aye, long story short. horrible horrible horrible night, 8 hours of straight overtime (in case you're not good at math, yeah, me neither... that's 16 hours of work... in one day!).

so, this actually has a lot to do with luke. i forgot to also mention that i worked two hours of overtime the following day, and at least 10-12 hours on the weekend... only to find out today that we wouldn't be taking this case to court!!! so really, all the weekend work was for nothing!

but yeah, luke. i'm pretty down because i feel like i'm working to help other families and children... at the expense of my own. i'd love to think that this is just a situational event but realistically, it's not. it's not uncommon for frontline workers in my office to work 50-60 hours every single week. i'm exhausted. emotionally and physically. how can i even begin to think about having another baby soon when i can barely make it through the day without being pregnant?! my poor luke, i miss him and he misses me :( and the hubbs?! he's great and supportive... how long will that last?

i need to get through the year and see where i am then. idk, sorry to ramble, though i do feel better i was able to get a little out. i wish i had a couple pics to post but nope, i haven't had the camera in my hand since luke's bday (well, last weekend really - i did a family session for my sis' sil that i haven't even had a chance to cull through!). i've already cancelled another session i was doing for my gf, and still haven't taken luke's 12-month pics (gosh, he's almost 13 months now!) and wah wah wah right?! i miss my camera. miss editing. miss my baby boy and hubbs. miss my life as a sahm.

but i'm doing something important. something necessary.... right?!