finally got my mojo back...

i sat down for over three hours tonight and finished editing a family session i did for my sister's sil a couple weeks ago. i'm rocking out to old school michael jackson and loving life! THIS.IS.EDITING! why didn't anyone ever tell me?! my brother just switched over our iTunes from the old pc laptop to the new 27" iMac and woweee, michael jackson's P.Y.T. + editing = HEAVEN!

and because i was so excited, totally got my second wind after finishing the family session, but had no recent pics of my baby boy to process, here's one from a month or so ago... enjoy :0

when does the pain go away???

i officially stopped breastfeeding on monday.. completely stopped, like, NOT.AT.ALL! luke was down to just 1 nursing session in the mornings, anyway, no big deal. he decided, however, to sleep in monday morning (after a long weekend of nursing around the clock because he was sick...) so i didn't have time to nurse him before work. so i decided might as well make that a habit ;) only problem was i had just gone through a whole weekend of nursing him like crazy, so you know what that means... an abundance of milk come monday :( OUCH! so monday he sleeps in, we didn't want to wake him, so i go a whole entire LONG day of fully engorged breasts, like self-conscious engorged! so come tuesday morning i was fit to be tied. i decided i would go ahead and nurse him again, maybe switching to an every-other-day weaning schedule... but what do ya know?! the kid decides to sleep in again! like 40 minutes sleep in! so of course i can't nurse him! so there i go again, another full day of pain pain PAIN! and you can already guess what happened come wednesday morning... man, you guys are smart ;) yep, the little stink bug sleeps in again (we're convinced he's now moving into the 12 hr/night sleep routine, hey, after this pain goes away, fine by me!).

so it's wednesday night and my breasts still hurt at the slightest touch, shift even! don't even look at them or i'll start screaming! i couldn't even hold my boy this morning, they were soooo sensitive. i thought about taking a shower with my bra on this morning, heck, skipping the shower altogether (don't worry people, i didn't;) but i suffered through it. i'm just wondering when it's going to get better??? when will the pain subside because as far as i can tell, i have a good 2 gallons in each one :(

update on the work vent - i got pulled from backup today. so, i wasn't supposed to be on duty but someone called out (who scheduled to be on duty) so they called me up. and guess what happens??? i get 1 referral at 2:00pm, not bad, and then 2 more at 4:30pm! i barely got home and had dinner, it's 10pm here, but you know what?! today was a good day. i did good work today that i can be proud of. i slapped a few parents around who clearly do not value their children (seriously guys, for me to say this... it was VERY necessary... i mean, who leaves a 2 y/o alone in the house by themselves because he was sleeping?! i'm not going to get into it, again, here (don't worry) but i drove home actually feeling good that while i didn't get to see my baby before he went down for the night, i hopefully got to help a few other children's situation at home. i feel good about them, and look forward to waking up to my beautiful baby boy tomorrow.

for all of the comments below, THANK YOU! it's so nice to read your kind, supportive words. i'm not generally a woe-is-me type, but yeah, i'm struggling with a few life decisions right now. maybe i'll feel vulnerable enough and put more about that out there later...

until then, please squeeze your children tight and recognize for the blessings they are.

xoxo

Work vent

so yeah i know, this blog is about luke... but i'm sad and depressed, too exhausted to take (and edit) pics of my adorable baby boy because my job is running me ragged! i'm sitting down, watching the saints (barely) kick the 49ers butts, drinking my parrot bay and pineapple (working on my second one) thinking about how i'm ever going to get through this week. so decided to come here, because there's really no one irl who cares to hear it, no one to understand except my co-worker friends who are in the same boat as i am so why would they care/want to hear more of the same wah wah wah right?! so maybe you don't care, oh well, you can stop reading now, or maybe you're nosey like me and would like a glimpse (as i always do) into someone else's day. if this is you, yeah, keep reading. if you have any questions, ask, it'll make me think someone cares ;)

so my job. my profession. i can [finally] say that now because i've spent too many years in school to be where i am today... a career that in my first month on the job, have already wanted to quit! i'm a children's social worker. i work the front end, going into homes to investigate child abuse and/or neglect. for the most part i love it. i love working with families and making sure children are safe. i ever like all the paperwork, or so i thought. i'm somewhat ocd about paoerwork so i like that what i do has a process, sort of like an A-Z. i have so many responsibilities that, unfortunately, keep me behind a desk more than out in the field.

last thursday i was on duty. being on "duty" means that, for that day, you (and a team of 3-4 others) receive and go out on all the calls that come in as "immediate response" calls for that day. so yeah, these are the "bad" cases, the worst of the worst. or as i like to think, the calls that mean you can really make a difference, at that moment, in the life of a child. so while mostly nerve-wracking, praying that i don't "mess up" and totally screw up the investigation, i usually look forward to the urgency of these calls on these days. until last thursday.. my duty day.

it was horrible. i got a call at the end of the day, an immediate response that my supervisor said i would have to take a colleague (very uncommon) and law enforcement on. i would most definitely be detaining/taking into custody these children. five minutes after reviewing the referral i get a call from the front desk, "MrsXoxo, you have a client in the lobby stating that she wants to drop off her son." really?! do we look like a daycare?! i spend 30 minutes trying to counsel this mom and 13-yo child, stating that wanting to wear baggy clothing is not so much a child welfare issue but a parenting one. i asked them to go home and sleep on it, hoping they could work it out. i ran back to my desk to call the reporting party on the "scary" referral i just got. long story short, the RP scared the ish out of me stating that in her 17 years as a social worker, this is one of the worst cases she's ever had. really?! so my first detention is going to be detaining from the "worst case you've ever had" family?! really?!

then my husband calls, "babe, luke has a fever." really?! because mama screwed up and didn't fax the paperwork over to the insurance in time so now my baby (sick baby) boy and husband aren't covered until october! and even worse, now it was guaranteed that i'd be working well into the wee hours of the morning so couldn't put my baby to sleep....

so after a few tears and a slight panic attack.. i sucked it up and went on my call, with an amazing colleague and a unit to accompany me. well let me just tell you that being escorted by two police officers was not enough, not when you go to [apparently] one of the scariest streets in the community the agency serves. it was dramatic, to say the least. at one point i looked to see which nearby car i could hide under (damn, i wish i had my 27-yo body back!) and/or which officer i could chase after (yes, i said CHASE) so that he didn't leave me alone with some craziness. aye, long story short. horrible horrible horrible night, 8 hours of straight overtime (in case you're not good at math, yeah, me neither... that's 16 hours of work... in one day!).

so, this actually has a lot to do with luke. i forgot to also mention that i worked two hours of overtime the following day, and at least 10-12 hours on the weekend... only to find out today that we wouldn't be taking this case to court!!! so really, all the weekend work was for nothing!

but yeah, luke. i'm pretty down because i feel like i'm working to help other families and children... at the expense of my own. i'd love to think that this is just a situational event but realistically, it's not. it's not uncommon for frontline workers in my office to work 50-60 hours every single week. i'm exhausted. emotionally and physically. how can i even begin to think about having another baby soon when i can barely make it through the day without being pregnant?! my poor luke, i miss him and he misses me :( and the hubbs?! he's great and supportive... how long will that last?

i need to get through the year and see where i am then. idk, sorry to ramble, though i do feel better i was able to get a little out. i wish i had a couple pics to post but nope, i haven't had the camera in my hand since luke's bday (well, last weekend really - i did a family session for my sis' sil that i haven't even had a chance to cull through!). i've already cancelled another session i was doing for my gf, and still haven't taken luke's 12-month pics (gosh, he's almost 13 months now!) and wah wah wah right?! i miss my camera. miss editing. miss my baby boy and hubbs. miss my life as a sahm.

but i'm doing something important. something necessary.... right?!

Luke's Party pics - details!!

so it's pretty late, almost midnight my time. i wanted to give a little blip about how amazing the party was, how hubs and i (along with our birthday boy) enjoyed celebrating Luke's 1st birthday with our friends and family... but i'm just so tired (violin anyone?!). so long story short (that pretty much circles around how much fun was had by all) with exception of a few minor hiccups, it was all so PERFECT!! of course i wish i could've cloned myself and/or hired a pro photog (wanted to actually hire erin tukua but she's on maternity leave, boo), i have no complaints (besides my nasty, sweaty, matted hair! ugh! i hate how my hair gets all gnarly when i'm sweating/running around (which is exactly what i did for 6 hours straight!). it was kind of surreal to see that after 3-hours of partying with family and friends my 2-month long project pretty much was thrashed and then trashed! i really zipped through snapping photos so yeah, i was pretty disappointed with the end result and missed a few details, but overall i was able to capture the essence and really, at the end of the day, that's all that matters (to me anyway, haha).

so here's part 1...





























ugh!i hated how the butter on the popcorn bags bled through, gross. and come to find out (after the party of course!) the dang popcorn was STALE! ugh, embarrassing!


ok seriously! did i take of enough of the same exact pictures?!






we rented a hot dog rotisserie and nacho machine (forgot to take a pic of the nacho machine, maybe because there was hoards of people in front of it at all times, lol, what a HIT!) to go with the baseball theme, everyone seemed to love the hot dogs and nachos!




i made this "i am 1" banner to fit his ful-sized highchair, too bad we forgot it at home :( just one of the few hiccups of the day... notice his socks?! yep, another hiccup.


congrats if you made it this far!!! part 2 coming soon...

orignal edits

here are the original edited pics of the two below in the last post. yeah, i think i'll stick with my basic edits.

Update - Luke's Birthday bash

I come with no excuses (though I feel I have plenty, lol). you're sick of hearing it and I'm a sucky blogger, I wish it could be my priority! For now a quick update...

Luke's 1st birthday party turned out GREAT! Over 80-90 guests showed up to help us celebrate and it was the most fun Trev and I have had in a long time! I haven't had a chance to even go through the pictures yet, not that there's a lot, but I've just been busy with other things but I can't wait to share them with you when I can finally sit down and process them!

I still can't believe my baby boy is 1! Just today he started full on walking, for no apparent reason, just stood up and walked from one toy to another, and another, and another, etc. We didn't eve have to bribe him or cheer-lead, he apparently just felt like walking. Gone are the days when I'd jump up and run for the camera - just way too exhausted these days, not only that, I really just want to enjoy the moments! I'm finding that the more time I'm spending away from my family (at work) the less time I want to see them behind a lens. The other day/night I didn't get off of work until 11pm! I cried when I realized I wouldn't be seeing my son before bedtime, it broke my heart (it breaks my heart recalling those feelings). That was the night I gave up nursing him to bed... and you know what... he was fine with it! he's so much stronger than his mommy already!

anyway. i have so much catching up to do but for now I just want to get to bed. i'll leave you with the two pictures (from his party) i was able to process.





*i felt like playing around with actions, i used coffeeshop's vintage action for these... idk, i think i'm still a clean, basic edit kind of gal. what do you think? if anything, it works better for the first one, not so much for the second.

i promise to be back in a few days with either another update and/or party pictures.

eta: forgot that i had these two done as well. the first is from his actual birthday (8/29/10)! Hubbs and I sang Happy Birthday while he drooled over the slice of cake, lol. More pics from this day to follow. the second is from his birthday party. he had a ball playing with all of his gifts while everyone was outside playing games. by this time he had already opened several gifts (days earlier - from even before his birthday) so he already somewhat knew what presents were. love my baby boy!

Birthday Gifts - part I

LUKE IS 1!!!!

So my itty-bitty baby boy (hahaha, can you say denial?!) turned 1 on Sunday! I had great things planned for him that day but thanks to mommy's nasty, crusty, infected foot that kills every time she walks on it, none of it happened :( We stayed in most of the day, ok, I stayed in all day, letting my foot rest, while hubbs took Luke out to run some errands (Luke loves getting out of the house so he may very well have accepted that as his fun birthday outings- hey, i try! ;)

The day started with Luke's morning wake up call at 7:45 a.m. (woowho, was it mommy and daddy's birthday too?!). Hubbs and I grabbed the video camera and entered his nursery singing "Happy Birthday to You!," lol, and boy was that hilarious. He had this look on his face like, "wth, who are these people and what did they do with my mommy and daddy?"

We grabbed him up out of bed and smothered him with kisses. I nursed him and then it was time to open a couple gifts from us.

**Please excuse the wrapping (thank you, Daddy!), the puffy eyes and scruffy pajamas (it was first thing in the morning remember), and the mess of a living room that we have going on right now (no excuses here, unfortunately). oh, and fair warning, but you probably know me by now, get ready for a kazillion of pretty much the same pictures, just trying to catch every single breath! ;)


man, he looks like he's in trouble or something!




hmmm, what's that?!




i think daddy is more excited than i am!


maybe it's a toy for daddy?!


nope! that's mine!


he makes it look so easy...


dumb truck!


here! how's this for a shove?! ::seriously, this boy was determined to make the balls pop!::


hey! another one?!


hmmm, interesting.


oh yay! just what i've always wanted! what is it?!


man this looks cool


is this how i do it?


hello! how do i get inside?


maybe it's a raft?!


or a skateboard of some type?


hmmm, whatever it is/was, that was cool!


part 2 coming within the next couple of days. i'm so behind on editing but didn't want to fall too behind... after part 2 of gifts is the next part of his day (including cake!).

thanks for visiting!